The Fourth Installment of the Husband

This is my final post of the evening!  Yeah!  I have committed to post 4 times this eve and I will prevail.  After a day putting bucks and doe's on the lawn....putting together IKEA type drawers and shelves for the kids room...I can finally say Goodnight to you all.

This husband is going to sleep...on to Monday!!

OUT!!

Christmas Survey! I LOVE THIS STUFF!

OK. I went over to Georgie's blog at Decisionally Challenged and found two things. She has a CONFESSIONAL which you can comment on anonymously. HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!?! And found that she had a Christmas Survey posted (which she calls a MEME, but I don't know what that means so I'm just going to say - Survey). Well....it seems she found it on The Life of Binks, which is also a cool blog. A day in the life of binks: Christmas Meme

Long story not so short...here is my survey!

Christmas Survey!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
BOTH - Although I typically buy a huge roll of fabulous wrapping paper from Costco that wraps my gifts for Christmas for the next 3 years. I then use it as a central theme and buy bags accordingly. Sounds like I give this too much thought, huh?

2. Real tree or Artificial?
REAL, REAL, REAL - I'm not going to judge you Artificial tree buyers....but OLD people usually use artificial trees. OLD people and people who don't have fun. OK. I am judging you. But I'm kidding. Does that help?


3. When do you put up the tree? take the tree down?
Hmmm...since we are a real tree family and having FUN constantly....we don't generally put the tree up until a week or so before Christmas. We don't' take the tree down until after Jan. 6th - the Epiphany.


4. Do you like eggnog?
Yes. The creamier the better....thick...but not eggy....I don't like thin eggnog.

5. Favorite gift received as a child?
Easybake oven.

6. Hardest person to buy for?
Everyone, except myself as I'm wandering aimlessly looking for everyone else's gift.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
Yes. It's a ceramic nativity scene I painted for my father as a gift. Sadly, he died before I could give it to him. Setting out the nativity scene under the tree was his favorite part of the whole Christmas preparation. Now it's mine.

8. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Mail - always stressful getting them out...but out they go.

9. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
Can't think of one.

10. Favorite Christmas Movie?
Oh, man....so many! OK...I have a top 10 - no particular order:

• Christmas in Connecticut (Barbra Stanwyck version)
• White Christmas
• Love Actually
• It's A Wonderful Life
• Scrooged
• Holiday Affair (Janet Leigh, Robert Mitchem version)
• Miracle on 34th Street (original & latest)
• Meet Me in St. Louis
• A Christmas Carol
• Mickey's Twice Upon A Christmas

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
I normally start in earnest a few weeks before Christmas....I was always the girl shopping on Christmas Eve.

12. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
No. I've wanted to. But, no.

13. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
My Mom's holiday soup. Homemade pasta lasagna (again credited to Mom), cousins Maria and Gisela's homemade cookies.

14. Lights on the tree?
White lights.
(during my formative years...there was a silver tinsel tree that had a rotating colored lights wheel shining on it....now it's pure white)

15. Favorite Christmas song?
Again...to many to name.

• O Holy Night
• Father Christmas - the Kinks
• I'll Be Home for Christmas
• O Bambino
• Waiting For the Man With the Bag
• God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings - Barenaked Ladies/Sarah McLaughlin
• Joy to the World
• Please Come Home for Christmas (Aaron Neville)

16. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Since marrying The Him....it's been a lot of travel...sometimes at Christmas...this year...the farthest yet.

17. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?
Yes :)

18. Angel on the tree top or a star?
I've always loved an angel - but our 4 year old (who is addicted to The Polar Express) feels really strongly about a star on top of the tree...and since I feel really strongly about what HE feels really strongly about....I feel really strongly about a STAR.

19. Open the presents Christmas eve or Christmas day?
Christmas Morning - after a long winters nap!

20. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
taking the decorations down and the house looking sooooo.....naked.

21. Favorite ornament theme or color?
A little walnut from Hallmark that you open and there is a family scene inside.

22. Favorite for Christmas dinner?
Holiday soup, followed by lasagna, meatballs, sausage, bracciole followed by veal cutlet and all of the sides!

23. What do you want for Christmas this year?
A memento of our trip. (Think GOLD, my love!)

Alright now, you do it....give us the Christmas lowdown....let me know if you do it so I can go read!

Favorite Songs of the Husband

I can not really narrow my list down to one song as my wife has.  I love her favorite song though.  I have many times played the air trumpet to many of their songs.  I love the I AM album.  It reminds me of driving to summer camps.  I would let it blast and run my stick shift into the floor.

Another favorite group of mine would have to be The Eagles.  Driving down the coast to Take it Easy and Hotel California is this Republican golfer's speed.  The last time they were out I talked the wife into going to two of their concerts.  They are still as good as they were back in the 70's...maybe better!

All in all I have a fairly eclectic album of favorite tunes.  I can go from musicals to rock and roll.  In fact the wife and I just went to see Wicked for the third time.  It has been on the car's Ipod for a few days now.  It is quite possibly the best musical since Phantom.  In our book they are neck and neck.

I will try and update the blog with my favorites in the coming days.

Boogiewonderland Husband Out!!

Am I sarcastic??

My wife referred to me as sarcastic.   It made me wonder..am I?.  When you have a comeback, as I do,  for people doing things that are stupid or moronic,  I just say "stupid people don't know they are stupid"  ...simple huh??  Gives meaning to the universe of the unexplained behavior in this world.  If you get a grasp of this statement it puts life into it's place.  You don't have to stress over someones behavior...you don't have to try to fix them...you have to just let them be.  For to try and explain it will only send you over a cliff of despair.

So I ask...can you concur...look at my posts...am I sarcastic??

Husband Out!!

The Other Chin

OK...this is the truth. It's not pretty. I was totally blindsided this week when I realized, while perusing pictures of my nieces visit....that I have developed a second chin.

O. M. G.

It is only visible when smiling...but it's there.

send. help. please.

(do you see how far I will go to make my 30 in 30 quota...and still...I missed it!)

Twilight: The Him Perspective

It was a wonderful day. My wife's niece came into town for a short visit. We loaded up the kids and saw Bolt. As we were working our way into the theater we saw the long lines of 20 somethings standing in line to see this new movie I have never heard of - Twilight.

Well...It peeked my wife's and niece's interest enough to get tickets for it at a later time, after the little munchkins were in slumber land.

Little did I know that I would be headed that way 10 minutes into this movie.

To say it was bad, in my estimation, is an understatement. The last movie that I lost time on was the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. If I were to know that I had an option that evening, I would have opted to see those girls romp all over Greece again.

This movie should have been on TNT or some other cable channel opposite Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm not sure which one would have won the time slot.

In closing...Bolt saved the day!! Twilight put me to sleep. I did discover there is hope for the 20 somethings out there after my 21 year old niece had the same impression of the movie that I had. There is still hope for our youth.

MUSIC: September - Earth, Wind & Fire

Taking a page...err..or post out of Jori's blog at Jeff & Me+3 here is my first installment of music that has shaped my life!

When I was 9 years old I was asked an amazing, life altering question by my older cousins who were driving a car through Philadelphia.

What is your favorite song?!?

Well...even as a 9 year old I was terrifically astute and brilliant. I chose wisely and still agree with my choice....30 years later.

EARTH

WIND

&

FIRE

SEPTEMBER

Ahhh....this song takes me to every car ride, every dance floor, most parties and good time of my life. It still makes me move and sing along! Every! Single! Time! I hear it!

I think one of the main reasons that it is STILL my favorite song of ALL TIME...is that I still can't quite figure out what they are saying. I can never conquer this song! It is fabulous!

So I ask you, dear reader, what is your ALL TIME FAVORITE SONG?!

Twilight....huh?

OK. Twilight. There are no spoilers, but if you are a Twilight lover and are easily offended - STOP HERE.

I haven't read the books. I *have* read all of the blogs gushing about this series of books called Twilight. I trust you guys implicitly...well...kinda.... Anyway, my 21 year old niece was visiting from out of town last week and I thought that Twilight might be a great young adult flick to go check out - together. She had never heard of it. However, with me talking it up the week before her visit...we were so convinced that we would LOVE this movie and series that we bought the books the day the movie came out and went to see it the first night. We took my husband, too. Do you see where this is going?

There was A WHOLE LOT OF BUILD UP!

We got in line for the movie. WE GOT IN LINE! We managed to get my favorite seats in the stadium seating movie theater...the first row as it goes up that has a railing in front, perfect to perch my dainty feet. The crowd was excited, to say the least. There was quite a bit of squealing and giggling before the movie started. I was so excited.

Once the movie started....the excitement fizzled and the confusion began.

The crowd seemed pretty engaged and ummm...I wasn't. The crowd was laughing, giggling and screaming at places that I didn't understand. I felt like I was watching a foreign movie without subtitles. I WAS A LOST. We all were. My husband was TRYING to fall asleep.

It WASN'T a BAD movie, but it WASN'T a GOOD movie either. It WASN'T a BAD story..., um....but it WASN'T a GOOD story either. I thought the girl who played Bella was very good. I can imagine that the book might be better....but I had heard some references to this series being the next Harry Potter.....umm...no...I don't think so.

OK. That's it. I'm done.

Multi-tasking - It's overrated

When asked how I *manage* to work full time from home in an "office" setting with two little ones in the house, my standard sing-song answer is:  It's the best of both worlds.  

I'm lying.  

It's not the best of both worlds.   

I'm so lucky!, I generally say.  

I'm lying.

I *am* lucky in so many ways, but most days, I don't feel that juggling my position in the company I work for and juggling the emotional, educational, recreational and fundamental needs of my  4 year old and 2 year old qualifies me as being lucky. 

When I'm told that I'm SO lucky that I begin my work day at 5am to finish at 1pm so that gives me an opportunity to be an "active" mother with my children, I want to dummy slap the mentally deficient person who failed to realize that by 1:00pm I've been SO active that there are cuts on my fingers from spinning plates and shards of china on my floor from all of the plates I've dropped and broken.

By the middle of the day I feel like screaming:  I'M DANCING AS FAST AS I CAN!

I'm tired of spinning plates.  I'm tired of juggling.  I'm tired of multi-tasking.  

I WANT TO DO ONE THING AT A TIME.

When I'm having a Pollyanna moment, *which are frequent and not liquor induced*, I do realize that I am fortunate to be able to see my children grow, be available for their daily trauma and drama as well as the laughter and milestones.  But the reality is that I spend most of my day stealing from Peter to pay Paul.

Work, kids, aging fabulous mother with a multitude of doctor appointments and friends to visit, a house to clean, play dates to keep, parent participation afternoon preschool, 3 meals a day to figure out, ...and that's just the obvious stuff.  Add in business meetings, dinner parties, gardening, blogging!, all the stuff I couldn't say "NO" to and all of the stuff I didn't want to say "no" to and you've got yourself a multi tasking maniac.

Here is the worst part.  I'm a generally nice, fun, funny person to be around....however, when the multitasking maniac is in full throttle I am a hectic, annoyed, easily provoked power keg of angst.  I yell at the drop of a hat.  

How many of you guys can relate to this?  Raise your hands.  Ok, put them down...too many to count.

I have always been good at multi-tasking, but now see that multi-tasking has not been good to me.  I'm tired of splitting my view of my job, my kids, my mother, my husband, my *everything*......with everything else!

Get this....I took my mother to a doctors appointment today.  My husband took the kids out and about and there I was....in a doctors waiting room... with my mother... for 3 hours....with nothing else to do...and nowhere else to be.  No kids, no work, no nothing....just uninterrupted time in a doctors office with my mother.  We actually talked...and we laughed...so much...it was fabulous. We didn't yell at each other.  There was no rushing or angst of what I needed to do next....just a relaxed afternoon with my full attention on one person.

I was giving my attention to one act, one person, one situation.

I want that. 

I want that frequently.

I want that with my children.

I want to raise them and enjoy them.  That's it.

I want to cook dinner...with infrequent interruptions....that's it.

I want to take a shower.  Every day!.  That's it.

I want to perform my duties at work without feeling that I'm compromising my children's emotional needs.  That's it.

I want to spend time with my husband...awake.  That's all.

Ok.  I'm done now.

The NABLOPOMO Walls are CLOSING in...

November 28th, 10:37pm - The whole 30 posts in 30 days err...thing....not going so well.....AND THERE ARE TWO OF US!

Here's the thing....I've got ideas....bazillions of them.....well at least 12! I can do this. I CAN PULL THIS OFF!

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...well...tomorrow is another day.

Sign this one,
The Little Engine That Could? aka: Scarlett O'Hara

December 1st, 12:19am - UPDATE - I fell short....but barely...my sweetheart and I did a great job and posted 27 times this month! That's phenomenal! I'm so proud I can't stand it! What does NaBLOPMO have up it's sleeve for December? I'm TERRIFIED!

Thoughts from a Republican Golfer

The election is over thankfully.  Palin is back in Alaska.  McCain to the Senate.  Bush thankfully back to Texas soon.  I must admit I felt as though I didn't have a dog in this race this year.  I would have preferred a Romney or Huckabee.  I consider myself pretty much a fiscal conservative and a socially so so toward the middle.  That being said I could not rap myself around Obama mania this time around.  He is basically...politically.... on the other side of us supply siders.

In this time though I can't help myself to root for this man with my whole heart.  This country needs someone to rally around and I hope this man brings this country back soon.  I do like the way he has positioned himself to hit the floor running once January 20th comes around.  He has already come to the middle a bit.  He is showing that he can't play politics with this country's future right now.  So far so good.  I can now say at this time Gobama!  

Superstar!

I feel like a Superstar today!

Noah's Mommy from Project Mommyhood has given me and my guy a blog award! Can you even believe that? And since we may never pass this way again...I feel that I must celebrate this event with a song :) Soooo...In the words of Mary Katherine Gallagher...."I think my feelings would best be expressed by a song/monologue from "Night and Day" starring Cary Grant! "

Thank you Noah's Mommy! You have a lovely warm blog and I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you consider ours worth your time and consideration! Many thanks!

Now!...everyone go to Noah's Mommy's Blog!

Now ....to make this Award official I must say these incredibly special words...cause...you know...it's special. :)

"This blog invests and believes the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

Now it's my turn to gift this fabulous, prestigious, popular and oh so important award on the other good little girls and boys of Blogland...(can you hear Glinda the Good Witch now?)

These are all fabulous blogs and you should let your clever little fingers walk you right over to their blogs now....bring a beverage and comfy chair...there is a whole lot of good reading waiting for you!

I now dub you Awarded:

Adlibby on the Loose

Pearls of Wisdom

Jeff & Me + Three

Food, Glorious Food....and Life in General

Deconstructing Jen

The Thoughts and Sarcastic Observations of a Starbucks Addict

Penpusher

Go, now, and use your power for good!

Old Crone??

I have read the posts of late on "skin tags".

I would only like to let you all know that my soon to be birthday bride is no where near the crone in Princess Bride. I, being her Wesley, would have to put her in the Princess catagory myself. Knowing what you princesses go through on a daily basis and dare I say "monthly" basis gives me a sense of humbleness at times. We as "the hims" can only imagine the pain and uncomfortableness it can be at times for you all. It is these moments that this Wesley can only say to my princess...."as you wish".

Ashes

Since last Saturday, the Southland here has been awash in soot and ashes...the likes we have never seen in our area...it just usually doesn't reach us. The wife and I have noticed recently as we walk in and out of the house that we are actually walking on the charred remains of someone's home. 30 miles away, someone's home was disintegrated and floated to our home. It is sobering when you know that hundreds of residents in the LA area are homeless right now because of this fire. It is not just the rich and famous of Montecito...but in one instance 480 mobile homes went up in smoke in Orange County. So - we look at the ground full of ash and say a prayer for all those that have lost everything in this fire. Please pray for them and send them clothes for their backs...they need them.

Skin Tags....what the....?

I am turning 39 on Sunday. Apparently I'm also turning into the old crone in the movie "Princess Bride". In the last few weeks I have noticed something very ODD. The tiniest pieces of skin are popping out in the oddest places....and apparently they are called Skin Tags.

They are harmless.

They are a mystery.

They are annoying.

They are odd and ugly.

The medical world has no idea where they come from.

The medical world is not concerned about them.

Seemingly, NO ONE IS RESEARCHING HOW TO STOP THEM!

And I don't like it.

Apparently you *just* burn them off. JUST BURN THEM OFF!!!! NOT YOURSELF....it's a procedure in a doctors office...hopefully after a few drinks.

Today my Little Girl found them while sitting on my lap during mass. She was running her hands on the side of my neck and said...Mamma, what's this? I replied that it was skin. She gave me the scrunched up nose and snobby voiced answer that only an over confident 2 year old can pull off and said..."No it's not....it's a boo boo...I kiss it now. Go to the doctor."

Now I know I'm not the only woman in the world with these things. It's only since noticing them, and of course, being vocal about them, that people are coming out of their shrouded skin tag silence and admitting that they too have had them.

WHY DO WOMEN DO THIS TO EACH OTHER!??!?! Why don't we talk about this stuff? Why didn't I know about them before???? This reeks of the time I found out women get mustaches (I'm Italian...I learned this early...but still)....why don't women discuss this sort of thing. Apparently....alot of women get skin tags and even though they are annoying....they are usually a benign cosmetic problem. A benign cosmetic problem I'll take instead of other more dramatic issues...but one that is annoying the crap out of me.

OK....so just to recap:

• We get hair on our legs and underarm that we must shave in order to maintain our feminine appeal.
• We have to tweeze, wax or thread our eyebrows, upper lips and apparently as you approach 40...our chins!!!! <---I'm so freakin annoyed with that one.
• We get our monthly friend's arrival with her annoying counterparts of bloat and cramps.
• We get enormous (batting eyelashes) pectoral action that we need to upkeep with horrifically expensive and terribly uncomfortable wire curved straight jackets designed to make us more desirable to once again...maintain our feminine appeal.
• Personal heatwaves await.
• We get to carry our progeny for 10 months (9 months???who are we kidding?) and then we get to try to evacuate them from our bodies from *THE* most sensitive area on our bodies.
• We get to be full time mom's, full time housekeepers and full time workers.
• The list goes on.....
• And now....now....now we introduce Skin Tags.

I'm channeling Rose from "Moonstruck"...."You've got a love bite (skin tag) on your neck...your life is going down the toilet."

Would I trade being a woman?

Never.

OK. I'm done. I feel better now.

My Romantic

I being the husband, the him, you might find it amusing that, yes I, before I was even married to my wife, had seen Sense and Sensibility. I also on the other hand love a good shoot up movie like True Lies. I have a wide variety of interest in movies. Bottom line...I love being entertained. I love a good story. I do draw the line at The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. My brother in law and I came to the same conclusion on that movie that we will never get those wasted 2 hours back. If fact my bro in law made mention that he felt like a jackass for wasting his time with it.

That being said...I love a good movie...shoot em up or romantic. I have realized that my son is on the same path....let me set the evening....

As dinner came to a close, the subject of Family Movie Night came up. Different names came up...but we came down on the side of Alladin with the influence of my son :)

As we are cleaning up I start looking for the movie....and looking ...and looking. You who have Disney movies know which ones you have and usually where they are. My wife and I looked high and low. We had to break the news to my son and daughter that Alas we could not find it....It was here where the choice came down to an old classic....Cinderella. My son is usually hesistant on new movies...but once he sees one, it's his new favorite :)

I had my doubts about his interest level it in this one...how long would he watch it before he started in with his cars or trains. Afterall it wasn't Cars, Monsters Inc, Polar Express...action action movies. Well....as the evening proceeded, we see that our daughter is GLUED to the screen...motionless. That is to be expected...my little princess that twirls on the floor to Once Upon a Dream. We were beaming!

It was my son's reaction that actually brought a tear to my eyes. He too was engaged in the movie the whole time. Actually there were times that he didn't like because they scared him abit. It was about the time that Cindrella's fairy god mother came out and tranformed her that he sat in the corner of the couch...knees up alittle...very engaged. He watch intently as the pumkin is transformed into a carriage and such. It is when she gets to the ball....the prince is perusing his potential brides, he spys Cindrella dancing on the balcony by herself...the prince stares, smiles, walks right by the evil step sisters......It is here where my son out of no where starts clapping his hands with this grin on his face....He was so happy that the prince saw past the step sisters and saw Cinderella. My wife and I just looked at each other and grinned. My cars and trains guy is a romantic at heart. This is not to say that we didn't already know he is a very sweet boy but now we know that he is a romantic too. That makes this daddy very happy.

Our Tiny Dancers

Here it is Tuesday...the wife, the mom and I are watching our fall season ritual that is Dancing with the Stars...House... Eli Stone...Brothers and Sisters...and Boston Legal.

As we are falling asleep on the couch after our long day..we see the Dancing with the Stars segment of the brother and sister pro members Derek and Julianne dancing on the floor at the same time. We both have the same idea...could that be our dancing duo someday?

As you can see from an earlier video post...our little girl has a style all her own. Our son is a very energetic dancer when the music plays. To see them prance around the floor in front of us gives us such joy. Our little girl has just learned the beginnings of her latest favorite melody....The song from Sleeping Beauty..Once Upon a Dream. She often just peels off..."I know you...I know you...I know you"...of late she has extended it to "I know you...I know you once a pon a ream" As she hears the song she lifts her arms up and just twirls. Our little guy builds his own little stage and steps it out to "Step in Time" looking just like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.

As you can see ..we are having fun....not only with the head shots that our youngest gives our oldest but also with our after dinner dancing that fills the house on a regular basis.

It is now that time to go to bed and put the Goo Goo Ga Ga to sleep.

P.S - Now after all that you are probably wondering..."How do these two watch all those shows??" It's called TIIIIIVOOOOOO. Good night all!

My Little Ninja :)

I smile in the title of this only because I know that I shouldn't have but after it happened at lunch today I had to step into the mom's office and bust a gut.

The scene...lunch time...the kids were playing with their chicken and french fries. Eating but not really in an especially speedy pace. I the dad...having finished my lunch am just watching them. I throw out the "she's going to finish her lunch first it looks like" They both get that look in their eyes and start stuffing the chicken fries into their mouth. I, being the dad that doesn't care to see my kids choking, knocked that off quickly. It did come down though, at that point, that the younger one, in her booster, had a half a piece left. The oldest seeing this proceeded to stuff a whole one in his mouth just as she ate her last piece. He mumbled that he finished first and I corrected him with ..."um mm...nope ..she wins"

Here's where the belated belly laugh came. He with his mouth still full gets down and starts wagging his finger in his sister's face to let her know of his disapproval that she finished first.....here's where my ninja quietly and non passionately just...with lighting speedy just popped my son on the forehead...all we needed was that open handed retraction and yell of Jackie Chan. Well he had to respond in kind and by then I intervened any further fisticuffs.

I found myself having a hard time chastising them too much other than saying that "you shouldn't do that" in that fatherly sternness.

The wife, and mom had a huge giggle moment when I recounted it to her.

Are we bad? :) I look at these times we enjoy and remember. Especially when they are older and truly best friends to each other.

Anybody else find humor in parenting???

POSTED BY THE HIM/THE HUSBAND/THE DAD

Powerful Woman's Motto

I just received this via e-mail and had to share:

Live your life in such a way that
when your feet hit the floor in the morning,
Satan shudders and says...
'Oh, shit! She's awake!!!'

Picture angst!

I'm absolutely torn on whether it's appropriate to post pictures of my children on my blog. Some of you might say....well Me....you already have....but I had done that prior to making it a public site....and well...I don't want to take them off.

What do you guys think?

Is this cheating?

Hey....psst... I started this post at 11:50 or so last night but was so tired...and had so much work to do...err..work I get paid to do....that I just could not do it.....so I hit SAVE NOW.....Now I do believe that if I hit publish now....it will mark it as last nights post.....is that cheating?

Is there blog police?

Do I need legal representation?

Will a Nablopomo rep rip their little thingy off of my site.

Do I really need this to worry about?

Short and SO Sweet!

My two year old Little Girl (LG) had a little cough that came out of nowhere. So while putting her into her PJ's she started coughing and I asked "Little Girl, where is that cough coming from?".

She looked me in the eye and said "My mouth, Mama!".

Nearly killed me.

When Good Dogs Go Bad: The Gracie Story

Gracie is a Labrador Retriever and our first daughter. She will be 5 years old in January. We love her. This is her story.

I've always loved dogs. I grew up with some fabulous mutts, so has my husband. We both wanted a puppy.

We'd been married a year, just bought a house and were expecting our first baby. I was in the throws of the nausea, exhaustion and pure terror that only the first trimester of your first pregnancy can bring. So, good idea, lets introduce a puppy into the mix. We had visited the pound, checked the penny saver and finally found a breeder near our home who had some Lab puppies. We walked into this den of frolicking pups set on finding a *golden* lab when Gracie approached us, leaned on Eric's leg, and gazed at us. WE FELL IN LOVE, but were undecided. As we walked to the car, my sweetie and I looked at each other and voiced what we were both feeling. A puppy was adding a little too much to an already full plate. Phewww! We were on the same page: We just couldn't get the dog now. We were both a little quiet and disappointed on our drive home but by the time I woke up the next morning, I was convinced we'd made the right decision.

Apparently, my sweetie didn't get the sleeping memo.

He came home from work the next day with a leash in his back pocket and a little black lab puppy with enormous paws in his back seat.

I was thrilled.

I was annoyed.

I was pregnant!

Here she was, Gracie..., 6 weeks old and peeing on our new hard word floors. And she started growing at an alarming pace. She started gnawing on her stuffed toys that were roughly the size of a newborn infant. (insert scream here) I started having nightmares about a dingo eating my baby. I was beside myself. I was also home all day working full time telecommuting with a little puppy at my side. I had plenty of time to mentally stress. So I did what any other resourceful pregnant woman would do who grew up watching PBS reality self help TV shows. I called Uncle Matty, the dog trainer. I called Uncle Matty and cried. Here's how the call went:

(brrrring) <---ringing phone

Other Line: Hello, thank you for calling Uncle Matty's Training Center, this is Matty Margolis, how can I help you?


Me: (mid sob) Unnncccle Matty?

Uncle Matty: Yes. How can I help you?

Me: (sniffling) The real Uncle Matty?

Uncle Matty: Yes. It's me. What is your name Dear?

(at this point I'm having an out of body experience! My PBS hero is on the phone with me!)

Me: (actively crying now) Uncle Matty, My name is (Me), and my husband
brought home a big dog, and I'm pregnant and she won't listen (blowing nose),
and, and (stuttering on tears) and the dog is going to eat my newborn baby. What
am I going to do?

Uncle Matty: Ohhh, Me. It's OK. Do you know my wife's name is Me? Are you Italian?

Me: (trying to collect myself) Yes.

Uncle Matty: How nice. Me, your little puppy is not going to eat your baby
because we are going to teach your puppy how to behave and listen. OK. Take a deep breath. You are going to be fine, Me. How wonderful that you have given your child a friend.

Me: But you don't understand, Uncle Matty. My, (sob), husband agreed we shouldn't and brought home a dog anyway and now I'm home all the time and I'm so tired and , and I'm exhausted and, she won't listen and he won't listen and the baby is going to be here and, and...

Uncle Matty: Me, Me...it's OK. We are going to take that wonderful little puppy and teach her how to be your baby's best friend. We are going to teach you the tools to do that..... AND IT'S ONLY GOING TO COST YOU A BAZILLION DOLLARS! (he didn't really say that)

Me: OK. That sounds fine. I'm sure my husband will be happy to pay anything (to get me to stop crying!)

(I KNOW...I KNOW....I'm a whiner...but I was pregnant...and a dog was about to eat my newborn!!!)

So, Uncle Matty sent my new best friend to our house. Let's call her, Deb, because that's her name. Deb walked in and an hour later had Gracie sitting on command, peeing on the grass on command and had given us tips on keeping our baby safe and our dog safe from baby.

Can you hear the angel chorus now? Listen....there it is. Ahhhh.

Through those following months, Gracie became the most beloved, well behaved, exuberant, loving piece of work dog you can imagine. Through the following few years, she has become a best friend to both of my children and an absolute treasure of a dog. We feel so blessed to have her.

About two months ago, the angels chorus came to an abrupt halt. Grrrr.

We started noticing that food left on the table was missing. A piece of bread here... a plate full of breakfast left on the table in a vacant kitchen....now clean.

We've started noticing morning bathroom wastebasket raid remnants on the master bedroom floor.

How did this happen?!??!

How did a beautifully trained Lady turn into a Tramp!?!?!

Do you think Uncle Matty will remember me when I call for my refund?

You know what's funny? Five years ago my brain was hemorrhaging dealing with the peccadilloes of this little puppy. Now, a missing meal here....some ripped up trash there....annoying yes...a deal breaker??? A resounding NO.

Gracie is the first thing my daughter thinks of in the morning and last one she kisses good night. Gracie is the pillow on the floor for our kids during movies and a loving warm footstool for any of us who scratch her ears. She's my constant companion as I work at my computer and my fellow gardener when we are out in the yard. She is teaching my children joy, loyalty and that boundless enthusiasm is contagious.

Who knew good dogs going bad were my style?

It's a new day.

Is it me or does everyone seem a little lighter today?

I've got an idea! GO VOTE!

Want to feel POWERFUL, SMART, PURPOSEFUL, PATRIOTIC, PROUD?

GO VOTE!

You'll feel like a Super Genius!

Go vote and put this National Election Nightmare behind us!

And if you are undecided - Think Obama!

Dear Santa Claus,

Dear Mr. C.,

I love you. I really do. I've enjoyed your yearly visits and yes, in the early years I profited greatly from your drive-bys. As years went by, I have enjoyed being your helper and bringing your joy to the blessed season of Christmas.

I'm writing to ask you to please either disregard all requests from my children for additional toys or, if that seems too harsh, please magically double the square footage of my home so that we can have at least one room that doesn't look like it was shaken by an irritated giant gorilla and left in trauma and disarray.

In fact, if you can't pull off the whole square footage thing, I'd appreciate it if you'd back that bad boy sleigh right up to my front door and clear out any and all toys that are strewn around the room in a haphazard way.

Warmest regards,
The Mom

Does Anyone Else Do this? Or am I the ONLY Nut in the Class?

As my husband is leaving the house for work, to go to the store, etc., I absolutely, positively have to say "Be careful!" or "Drive safe" or some other life saving remark. If I don't utter the words and make them heard, I go absolutely spastic fearing he is going to be harmed in some way. I also have to add "I LOVE YOU!" or I call on his cell to make sure those are the last words he hears.

It gets worse.

When me and my Sweetheart leave the house *ALONE*, which is rare, the first conversation we have, every time, as we leave the drive way, is why we haven't arranged our WILLS in a more detailed fashion to take care of the kids in the event of our tragic death on the way for margaritas and a movie! This is on our way out for a fun night of light hearted banter.

That's not all.

Every time I have to travel without my family, I practically hold my breath until I get back for fear that my children will have to grow up without their neurotic mother.

Now, before you guys start to try and figure out my square footage to send the padding for my walls....all of this hysteria happens in the background of a somewhat normal and upbeat personality.

Does anyone go through this stuff since having kids?

Lawn Signs

While walking with my children through my neighborhood I've noticed something. 5 Bush/Palin lawn signs. 1 Obama/Biden lawn sign. The Obama/Biden sign is directly across from my home. I really like the people who have the Obama/Biden sign...they don't seem to have a Messiah complex. I also like the neighbors I know with the Bush/Palin signs...they don't seem deranged.

So I ask you dear reader, can you judge a house by it's lawn sign?

Ok. I just noted that I called the McCain/Palin signs Bush/Palin signs. hmmmm.