My Little Ninja :)

I smile in the title of this only because I know that I shouldn't have but after it happened at lunch today I had to step into the mom's office and bust a gut.

The scene...lunch time...the kids were playing with their chicken and french fries. Eating but not really in an especially speedy pace. I the dad...having finished my lunch am just watching them. I throw out the "she's going to finish her lunch first it looks like" They both get that look in their eyes and start stuffing the chicken fries into their mouth. I, being the dad that doesn't care to see my kids choking, knocked that off quickly. It did come down though, at that point, that the younger one, in her booster, had a half a piece left. The oldest seeing this proceeded to stuff a whole one in his mouth just as she ate her last piece. He mumbled that he finished first and I corrected him with ..."um mm...nope ..she wins"

Here's where the belated belly laugh came. He with his mouth still full gets down and starts wagging his finger in his sister's face to let her know of his disapproval that she finished first.....here's where my ninja quietly and non passionately just...with lighting speedy just popped my son on the forehead...all we needed was that open handed retraction and yell of Jackie Chan. Well he had to respond in kind and by then I intervened any further fisticuffs.

I found myself having a hard time chastising them too much other than saying that "you shouldn't do that" in that fatherly sternness.

The wife, and mom had a huge giggle moment when I recounted it to her.

Are we bad? :) I look at these times we enjoy and remember. Especially when they are older and truly best friends to each other.

Anybody else find humor in parenting???

POSTED BY THE HIM/THE HUSBAND/THE DAD

Powerful Woman's Motto

I just received this via e-mail and had to share:

Live your life in such a way that
when your feet hit the floor in the morning,
Satan shudders and says...
'Oh, shit! She's awake!!!'

Picture angst!

I'm absolutely torn on whether it's appropriate to post pictures of my children on my blog. Some of you might say....well Me....you already have....but I had done that prior to making it a public site....and well...I don't want to take them off.

What do you guys think?

Is this cheating?

Hey....psst... I started this post at 11:50 or so last night but was so tired...and had so much work to do...err..work I get paid to do....that I just could not do it.....so I hit SAVE NOW.....Now I do believe that if I hit publish now....it will mark it as last nights post.....is that cheating?

Is there blog police?

Do I need legal representation?

Will a Nablopomo rep rip their little thingy off of my site.

Do I really need this to worry about?

Short and SO Sweet!

My two year old Little Girl (LG) had a little cough that came out of nowhere. So while putting her into her PJ's she started coughing and I asked "Little Girl, where is that cough coming from?".

She looked me in the eye and said "My mouth, Mama!".

Nearly killed me.

When Good Dogs Go Bad: The Gracie Story

Gracie is a Labrador Retriever and our first daughter. She will be 5 years old in January. We love her. This is her story.

I've always loved dogs. I grew up with some fabulous mutts, so has my husband. We both wanted a puppy.

We'd been married a year, just bought a house and were expecting our first baby. I was in the throws of the nausea, exhaustion and pure terror that only the first trimester of your first pregnancy can bring. So, good idea, lets introduce a puppy into the mix. We had visited the pound, checked the penny saver and finally found a breeder near our home who had some Lab puppies. We walked into this den of frolicking pups set on finding a *golden* lab when Gracie approached us, leaned on Eric's leg, and gazed at us. WE FELL IN LOVE, but were undecided. As we walked to the car, my sweetie and I looked at each other and voiced what we were both feeling. A puppy was adding a little too much to an already full plate. Phewww! We were on the same page: We just couldn't get the dog now. We were both a little quiet and disappointed on our drive home but by the time I woke up the next morning, I was convinced we'd made the right decision.

Apparently, my sweetie didn't get the sleeping memo.

He came home from work the next day with a leash in his back pocket and a little black lab puppy with enormous paws in his back seat.

I was thrilled.

I was annoyed.

I was pregnant!

Here she was, Gracie..., 6 weeks old and peeing on our new hard word floors. And she started growing at an alarming pace. She started gnawing on her stuffed toys that were roughly the size of a newborn infant. (insert scream here) I started having nightmares about a dingo eating my baby. I was beside myself. I was also home all day working full time telecommuting with a little puppy at my side. I had plenty of time to mentally stress. So I did what any other resourceful pregnant woman would do who grew up watching PBS reality self help TV shows. I called Uncle Matty, the dog trainer. I called Uncle Matty and cried. Here's how the call went:

(brrrring) <---ringing phone

Other Line: Hello, thank you for calling Uncle Matty's Training Center, this is Matty Margolis, how can I help you?


Me: (mid sob) Unnncccle Matty?

Uncle Matty: Yes. How can I help you?

Me: (sniffling) The real Uncle Matty?

Uncle Matty: Yes. It's me. What is your name Dear?

(at this point I'm having an out of body experience! My PBS hero is on the phone with me!)

Me: (actively crying now) Uncle Matty, My name is (Me), and my husband
brought home a big dog, and I'm pregnant and she won't listen (blowing nose),
and, and (stuttering on tears) and the dog is going to eat my newborn baby. What
am I going to do?

Uncle Matty: Ohhh, Me. It's OK. Do you know my wife's name is Me? Are you Italian?

Me: (trying to collect myself) Yes.

Uncle Matty: How nice. Me, your little puppy is not going to eat your baby
because we are going to teach your puppy how to behave and listen. OK. Take a deep breath. You are going to be fine, Me. How wonderful that you have given your child a friend.

Me: But you don't understand, Uncle Matty. My, (sob), husband agreed we shouldn't and brought home a dog anyway and now I'm home all the time and I'm so tired and , and I'm exhausted and, she won't listen and he won't listen and the baby is going to be here and, and...

Uncle Matty: Me, Me...it's OK. We are going to take that wonderful little puppy and teach her how to be your baby's best friend. We are going to teach you the tools to do that..... AND IT'S ONLY GOING TO COST YOU A BAZILLION DOLLARS! (he didn't really say that)

Me: OK. That sounds fine. I'm sure my husband will be happy to pay anything (to get me to stop crying!)

(I KNOW...I KNOW....I'm a whiner...but I was pregnant...and a dog was about to eat my newborn!!!)

So, Uncle Matty sent my new best friend to our house. Let's call her, Deb, because that's her name. Deb walked in and an hour later had Gracie sitting on command, peeing on the grass on command and had given us tips on keeping our baby safe and our dog safe from baby.

Can you hear the angel chorus now? Listen....there it is. Ahhhh.

Through those following months, Gracie became the most beloved, well behaved, exuberant, loving piece of work dog you can imagine. Through the following few years, she has become a best friend to both of my children and an absolute treasure of a dog. We feel so blessed to have her.

About two months ago, the angels chorus came to an abrupt halt. Grrrr.

We started noticing that food left on the table was missing. A piece of bread here... a plate full of breakfast left on the table in a vacant kitchen....now clean.

We've started noticing morning bathroom wastebasket raid remnants on the master bedroom floor.

How did this happen?!??!

How did a beautifully trained Lady turn into a Tramp!?!?!

Do you think Uncle Matty will remember me when I call for my refund?

You know what's funny? Five years ago my brain was hemorrhaging dealing with the peccadilloes of this little puppy. Now, a missing meal here....some ripped up trash there....annoying yes...a deal breaker??? A resounding NO.

Gracie is the first thing my daughter thinks of in the morning and last one she kisses good night. Gracie is the pillow on the floor for our kids during movies and a loving warm footstool for any of us who scratch her ears. She's my constant companion as I work at my computer and my fellow gardener when we are out in the yard. She is teaching my children joy, loyalty and that boundless enthusiasm is contagious.

Who knew good dogs going bad were my style?

It's a new day.

Is it me or does everyone seem a little lighter today?

I've got an idea! GO VOTE!

Want to feel POWERFUL, SMART, PURPOSEFUL, PATRIOTIC, PROUD?

GO VOTE!

You'll feel like a Super Genius!

Go vote and put this National Election Nightmare behind us!

And if you are undecided - Think Obama!

Dear Santa Claus,

Dear Mr. C.,

I love you. I really do. I've enjoyed your yearly visits and yes, in the early years I profited greatly from your drive-bys. As years went by, I have enjoyed being your helper and bringing your joy to the blessed season of Christmas.

I'm writing to ask you to please either disregard all requests from my children for additional toys or, if that seems too harsh, please magically double the square footage of my home so that we can have at least one room that doesn't look like it was shaken by an irritated giant gorilla and left in trauma and disarray.

In fact, if you can't pull off the whole square footage thing, I'd appreciate it if you'd back that bad boy sleigh right up to my front door and clear out any and all toys that are strewn around the room in a haphazard way.

Warmest regards,
The Mom

Does Anyone Else Do this? Or am I the ONLY Nut in the Class?

As my husband is leaving the house for work, to go to the store, etc., I absolutely, positively have to say "Be careful!" or "Drive safe" or some other life saving remark. If I don't utter the words and make them heard, I go absolutely spastic fearing he is going to be harmed in some way. I also have to add "I LOVE YOU!" or I call on his cell to make sure those are the last words he hears.

It gets worse.

When me and my Sweetheart leave the house *ALONE*, which is rare, the first conversation we have, every time, as we leave the drive way, is why we haven't arranged our WILLS in a more detailed fashion to take care of the kids in the event of our tragic death on the way for margaritas and a movie! This is on our way out for a fun night of light hearted banter.

That's not all.

Every time I have to travel without my family, I practically hold my breath until I get back for fear that my children will have to grow up without their neurotic mother.

Now, before you guys start to try and figure out my square footage to send the padding for my walls....all of this hysteria happens in the background of a somewhat normal and upbeat personality.

Does anyone go through this stuff since having kids?

Lawn Signs

While walking with my children through my neighborhood I've noticed something. 5 Bush/Palin lawn signs. 1 Obama/Biden lawn sign. The Obama/Biden sign is directly across from my home. I really like the people who have the Obama/Biden sign...they don't seem to have a Messiah complex. I also like the neighbors I know with the Bush/Palin signs...they don't seem deranged.

So I ask you dear reader, can you judge a house by it's lawn sign?

Ok. I just noted that I called the McCain/Palin signs Bush/Palin signs. hmmmm.