The Best Kind of 30 Minute Meals

This post it for all the people that struggle with Rachel Ray's 30 minute meals (that includes The Wife).

I was thinking of this the other day while I was playing with play dough with my daughter. You see play dough is one of her favorite pastimes of late. I being the ever available sous chef to my daughter's expert cooking prowess managed to put together what I have determined is the ultimate 30 minute meal. THE PEPPERONI PIZZA!

You start with blue play dough...my daughters favorite after pink. You roll it out thinly and then proceed to carve out a large circle (10 minutes). Then you need toppings for your pizza, namely pepperoni colored. You then smooth out a thin layer of red play dough and then shape out the appropriate sized pepperoni (10 minutes). Your final process involves naming off family members as you apply each pepperoni....ie..."this one is for nonna...this one is for momma.." etc (10 minutes). Nonna will be glad to find out that she received the most pieces of pepperoni in this process.

Being my daughters sous chef was the thrill of the day for me. How could Rachel Ray beat this experience and our record breaking time? :) I'll bet she would have never thought of the Mickey Mouse pepperoni!

Why do 30 Minute Meals take me 1 hour and a 1/2?

Dear Rachael Ray,

I really like you. In all honestly, I kinda liked you better before you had your own talk show and I didn't have to listen to you.... ummm...well....talk so much...but all in all...I really enjoy your goofy little stories about your family and walking with your dog Boo. I enjoy your quirky, sentimental good-naturedness...and I adore the way you are making cooking for your family seems like a joyous adventure and symbol of familial adoration rather than a tedious, looming everyday annoyance. In addition, the meals that I have made from your book, TV show or Food Network program (all the 30 minute meal brand) are usually very delicious. However, they do NOT and I repeat, DO NOT take 30 minutes to make.

This whole 30 minutes meal fabrication has got to stop! The myth that you are perpetuating is making me feel...well...inadequate. I know that your show is filmed in 30 minutes, but either you are bringing in a team of helpers during the commercials or you are lying. Now I'm not saying that ALL of your recipes aren't standing up to YOUR test of time, but most of the recipes I've tried are at least double the time.

So, just to prove the point, I challenge you to come to my home and prepare one of your recipes...I'll choose. Then I will blend into the background and watch you preform. Here's the catch...you must prepare this meal with the same joy and challenges the rest of face when preparing one of your so called 30 minute meals from home. You have to juggle at least one child around the age of 5 and hmmm..let's say, another child around the age of 2. You'll need to be fielding phone calls from your land line as well as your cell phone. A nice added touch would be having your 2 year old have a breakdown of some kind (maybe low blood sugar) and have your 5 year old keep asking when the meal will be ready. They should probably be playing a game in the room and of course, occasionally squabbling.

Keep in mind you will need to continually reference the recipe to keep the experiment and challenge authentic.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

So, c'mon...just between us...you know these recipes require a bit more than 30 minutes. Truth in advertising would dictate that you title your show and books "30 minute Test Kitchen Meals /90 Minute Real Home Meals", but I'd settle for you coming over once a month and cooking the meal. :)

Your Friend and Fan,
The Me